FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Mark R. Vogel
Epicure1@optonline.net
To Complain or Not to Complain
Last night we were meeting another couple at a restaurant for
dinner. I already knew the woman but hadn’t yet met her boyfriend. When they
arrived and we were introduced, her boyfriend proclaimed: “When she told me you
were a chef I said I hope he’s not one of those A**holes who sends everything
back.” Somewhat taken back by this unexpectedly hostile greeting, my trepidation
began to rise. I had my doubts about the restaurant to begin with. Fate loves to
stick it to me whenever it gets a chance and here was an exquisite opportunity
to twist the knife. I was doomed. Something was destined to go wrong with my
meal and I was going to be faced with the decision to accept it or have my
dinner guest conclude I was a bodily orifice. Hear that faint but increasingly
loud whistle above? That’s the bomb dropping.
Well, let’s get right to it, cause you already know what’s
coming. I ordered the stuffed lobster and when it arrived it was ice cold. Not
lukewarm, but ice cold. It tasted like it had been resting in the refrigerator
before being served. So here I was faced with the dreaded conflict I had
predicted. Well, despite the angst the situation engendered, I’m solid in who I
am and where I stand on things. There is no excuse in the world for serving ice
cold food and I refuse to consume it to curry favor with anyone. I promptly
returned it and was served a hot stuffed lobster in its place. It didn’t taste
that great but I wasn’t going to push the issue any further. Instead, I extended
an olive branch to my judgmental new friend and paid for dinner.
Generally speaking, people seek to avoid conflict and the
negative appraisals of others. I wonder how often individuals suffer through
inadequate food for just those reasons; because we don’t want to make a “scene”
or because we fear others will see us as a pain-in-the-ass, (or an even worse
part of the hindquarters anatomy), if we take issue with the food. Obviously
some people are meeker and will put up with almost anything. Conversely there
are the more aggressive and entitled amongst us who evince no hesitation to
complain about even minor culinary slips.
But let’s put the variability of individual character
differences aside for the moment and focus on the external reality, namely the
food. At one extreme are minor flaws that don’t merit confrontation. Had my
lobster been at least warm for example, I wouldn’t have batted an eye. On the
other hand, ice cold food, spoiled food, well done steaks that were ordered
medium-rare, and anything with an insect in it, should never be tolerated.
The problem arises with the almost endless series of
gradations in-between the extremes. The proverbial “gray zone.” How do you
detect with precise scrutiny when a mishap has crossed that elusive “ah let it
go” line into the realm of intolerability and justified protest? Sometimes the
error, in and of itself, doesn’t cross the line, but rather has been preceded by
a series of blunders which have incrementally pushed you past the point of no
return. But once again, exactly how many sequential little flubs warrant a
formal complaint?
Unfortunately the answers to these questions return us to the
subjectivity and capriciousness of the individual person’s character. When the
situation is not a no-brainer because it doesn’t lie at one extreme or the
other, we must then decide what we are comfortable accepting and what we are
not.
A final consideration, other than the actual quality level of
the food, and the person’s own internal standards, is the context of the
situation. For example, one is less likely to return the inadequate filet mignon
on a first date than when dining alone. Then, to make the matrix even more
complicated, sometimes the context and the particular personality commingle. For
example, if you are a regular patron of a certain eatery and know some of the
staff, would you be less or more likely to inform them that the fries arrived
undercooked and greasy? Some folks wouldn’t want to say anything because of
familiarity. They don’t wish to disrupt what has been a smooth and stable
relationship. Other people may think just the opposite. They feel that because
they’ve been a loyal customer and have brought them consistent business that
they have even more right to complain.
To invoke my trademark phrase, where does all this leave us?
Ultimately you must consider 1) your personal feelings about when to complain or
not to complain, 2) the parameters of the particular situation, and 3) just how
inadequate the actual food is. As for me, I can tolerate personal criticism much
easier than I can tolerate cold lobster.
