Italian dressing

Cut baguette lengthwise, producing two giant slices of equal thickness.

Spread the inside of each piece with softened butter to prevent the bread from becoming soggy. Spread one piece with mayo and the other with mustard.

On the bottom piece stack on the ingredients in this order: lettuce, tomato, onion, red bell pepper, prosciutto, salami, cheese and pickles. Place other piece of bread on top.

Wrap the sandwich TIGHTLY with plastic wrap, making sure that none of the ingredients fall out. This is really a two-man operation, with one person holding the sandwich and the second person wrapping it up.

Place some books, cutting board, small child (seriously), etc. on top of the sandwich. The goal is to apply heavy, but even, weight to the sandwich. Let press for 1 hour.

Unwrap the sandwich and carefully remove top piece. Drizzle the inside of the sandwich with Italian dressing. Replace top piece. Secure with toothpicks. Cut your masterpiece into slices in between each toothpick.