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"Parenting" Pumpkin Cheesecake Recipe
Parenting is tough enough,
without having to follow a recipe.
This pumpkin cheesecake recipe was written for parents like you.
Whoever writes all those fancy cookbooks has
never been a parent. To begin with, the pages are never spill-proof, almost
guaranteeing that somewhere in the middle of mixing ingredients, a spill will
cover the remaining two ingredients listed. This means that parents must learn
to improvise.
Some would suggest that the very thrill of cooking is
experimentation. So what’s the big difference between oregano and cayenne
pepper, anyway?
Then there are all those "quick" recipes to "serve your
family" gracing the pages of women's magazines. NO recipe is quick with Little
Helper's assistance.
Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake
Recipe (Parenting Version)
Mix one cup of ginger snap cookie crumbs and one tablespoon
of olive oil. Add more cookie crumbs to make up for the ones that disappeared
about the same time your Little Helper walked into the kitchen.
Press the crumby oil mixture ... "Sorry, Little Helper
distracted me." Press the oily crumb mixture into the bottom of a 9-inch
spring-form pan, and up around the edges about one inch. Put it in the
refrigerator to cool – best to slip it in safely behind the broccoli and that
thing that's been turning bluish green for three weeks, in case Little Helper
gets inspired
Soften three bricks of cream cheese, ideally in the
microwave. If you can't separate the cheese from Little Helper's hands, let her
keep doing what she's doing until the cheese is good and soft. Cream the cheese
with one and a half cups of pureed pumpkin, three large eggs, two tablespoons of
cream, and one cup of brown sugar. Keep mixing until creamy.
Add one teaspoon of vanilla extract. If you are fortunate
enough to have help at this stage, you have three options:
-
Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Vanilla Cheesecake".
-
Try scooping out the extra cup of vanilla Little Helper
poured in for you.
-
Start over.
You will also need to add a tablespoon of cinnamon. If Little
Helper is in a generous mood, don't worry. You still have three options:
-
Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Cinnamon Cheesecake".
-
Try scooping out the extra pile of cinnamon Little Helper
poured in for you.
-
Bang your head against the counter and start over.
There is also a tablespoon of ground ginger to add. Sorry
about that. Don't worry, you still have three options...again:
-
Rename it " Harvest Pumpkin and Ginger Cheesecake".
-
Scoop out as best you can the extra heap of ginger Little
Helper added for you.
-
Bang your head twice on the counter and start over.
I almost hate to mention this, but you'll need to add a
teaspoon of ground nutmeg. And a half teaspoon of salt. And a half teaspoon of
allspice. Go ahead and bang your head some more if it makes you feel better.
The Parenting Failsafe Recipe
for Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake
Fortunately, there is a parening failsafe. It is sort of like
a "get out of jail free card". Look in the bowl. Observe the quantity of creamy
things. Observe the quantity of spicy things.
If the quantity of creamy things is even slightly greater
than the quantity of spicy things, keep going and pretend you didn't have any
help. Maybe nobody will notice. If the quantity of spicy things is greater than
the quantity of creamy things, open another can of pureed pumpkin. Hmm...and
another. Keep adding cans of pureed pumpkin until creamy things are greater than
spicy things -- or until your grocer runs out of cans.
Is this a great pumpkin cheesecake recipe, or what?
Pour the pumpkin filling into the crust. Note, if you had to
add too many cans of pureed pumpkin, this could get messy. I recommend
hip-waders...especially for Little Helper.
Cook at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for about 50 minutes or until
the top is slightly brown and almost as cracked as your head and the counter. Do
NOT let Little Helper eat the cake while it is still in the oven. This is
considered dangerous by nine out of ten electricians and seven major oven
manufacturers.
Let it air cool in a safe place -- like at a neighbor's house
-- then refrigerate overnight
Just before serving, top with whipped cream and sprinkle with
pecans. Oops. I just wrote that last line in non-parentease. It should read:
"Now that the whipped cream is polished off, shake the remaining sprinkles on
the cake. Unless Little Helper ate them, too.
Now you can sit down and enjoy your Harvest Pumpkin Pie
Cheesecake (Parenting Version). Oh yes, don't forget to laminate this page to
avoid more impromptu experimentation in the future.
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personal growth humor column, like this one on the parenting recipe for
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Used with permission.
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